Kink and the Art of Communication

“Kink, Art, and Communication…three things you can go crazy trying to define.”

Kink, Art, and Communication…three things you can go crazy trying to define. Anyone who’s ever gotten suckered into the “What is Art” conversation knows this. A teacher of mine says “the communication is what got communicated”. That is, the intent doesn’t matter and the words don’t matter…only what landed, what was perceived.

I usually side step the Art question with the assertion “Art is Art if it moves me.” I have no clue what Art is for you. Another response to this question that I really like was the late Marshall McLuhan’s “Art is whatever you can get away with.”

Thinking along those lines, playing with those ideas, extrapolating…maybe Kink is the stuff that turns you on and leaves you feeling like you got away with something.

Bear with me.

Most kinksters I have known share a love of finding and (consensually) pushing edges…their own and others’. We find that edge and whether we choose to back away from it, play with it or push past it, we get a thrill from that finding. It bears reminding that many people in the world do not get a thrill from finding their edges erotically or socially. For many, many people that is an experience to be avoided at all costs. Kinksters call it Growth.

If you made a Venn diagram of the sensual desires and habits of most humans, I think you’d find that most of it is overlap. There simply are some basic moves…stroke, touch, kiss…that most people share. And if you took 10 people and did their little Venn diagram you’d probably find that even the parts that don’t overlap are not so far out there for the other folks that you’d get in trouble for asking for it or offering it. They’d be like, “yeah, I used to do that because my ex liked it” or “tried it…not a huge fan”.

But then there’s your little non-overlapping part. And mine.

It’s likely ours would take some serious conversation and are usually not first date material if you didn’t meet at a play party or through Fetlife. More the shame…the non-kink world frequently needs a lot of preparation for straight conversations about what’s a turn on and what is a no-go. It leads to all kinds of improper, non-consensual edge finding and boundary pushing IMO.

If your non-overlapping parts are things that you’re pretty sure no one would assume you do and that you’re pretty sure would raise a few eyebrows at the very least…maybe that’s your kink. Look, for some people that’s doing it with the lights on. For others, a blow job will blow their mind forever and they’ll titter about it to their BFF but only after three glasses of wine. For our purposes at Boundless those people are as kinky as anyone else if they’re standing at that edge and respectfully challenging themselves in some way.

Maybe the greatest challenge for you that you will explore at Boundless is just to communicate an honest desire to another human being. Maybe you’ll even ask to have that experience. Maybe not.

We don’t care what you do or with whom you do it if you’re all into it. We care that you do it honestly, that you come to know yourself a little more deeply, and that you walk away a better person and a better kinkster than you were before.

The kind of kink we’re looking to foster at Boundless is about learning. Our Kink is about growing. Boundless Kink is deeply rooted in trust, respect and communication. Most of all, this kink is not about coasting.